No matter what it is, we have all been through a situation where we have been deeply affected. After resurfacing from one of those, I wrote myself a little something that gets me through all my toughest times. I hope that by reading, you can relate at least a little bit.
Recovery isn't the flip of the blinds and letting the light inside. It isn't the flick of a switch, things don’t just get better instantaneously. What recovery really is, is sifting through the sofa cushions for crumbs of courage & dimes of hope; because once the ocean takes you under, the struggle to get back up is more painful than the fall into it.
But recovery is also various juxtapositions. It’s sleeping in on Mondays, and staying up late on Fridays. It is the taste of your favorite meal; the feeling of happiness in your tummy, the scent of new candles washing through the air around you. It’s all the chances you've never taken, but with no longer having regrets. It is laughing so hard you choke on your drink with a snort, making yourself laugh once again in embarrassment. Recovery is wearing whatever the heck you want, just because you can and it makes you feel powerful. It is finding someone whose kisses make your mind turn to honey, slow, unthinking, warm and sweet as you melt into the mess of love. It is remembering the feeling that once made you feel so terrible inside but no longer letting it affect you. It is feeling full after eating dinner, but getting dessert anyway, because gosh dang it, you deserve that piece of double-decked chocolate cake.
Recovery is also having your breakdowns, but finally being able to consistently tell yourself that you’re going to be okay. It’s getting in fights with just the right people; those who were a negativity in your life anyways. But most importantly, it is remembering late at night, when you're trapped in tears and thoughts of all those moments, that feelings pass, that tomorrow is going to be better, and that things are falling into place. Because amidst all the craziness, it is.
Written by: Juliana Beduschi